Hello Ekikaseven and all friends & Aidmates,
Some say they laugh at this, but I find it highly appropriate for beginning to heal from this person, the pain, the lies, and actually saying goodbye and getting some sort of closure from a person whom is no longer in our lives.
Many of us had a relationship with this person - someone who did exist in the physical but never actually knew that we did - and a few of us became very close to this person, and that was very real. Even while this person was not who they claimed, there was someone on the other side of the computer; their own life spun together with their imagination, dreams, hopes, twisted desires, less than kind intentions, and perhaps even fears projected onto someone else, .. all of which created this person we knew to be our friend or "son." This was very real. They were very real to each of us. Our friendships were real to each of us. And, I get the strong feeling that while Susan was a fraud and playing us for a fool, that she needed us just as much as we needed Chris, but simply didn't know how to have a friendship without manipulating people, ... ask for help without telling lies, ... be herself and allow people to love her as is.
For trauma and pain in our lives we need closure. This word and concept of closure can mean a great many things to each person, but it is pretty universal in the sense that when we are hurt and experience extreme emotional pain as human beings, our mind and spirit, and even body, seeks and needs closure.
This idea and post Ekikaseven has created is something which hits close to home for me. In my own life and family we did something very similar with the "loss" of a family member: My sister's husband, my brother-in-law; a person who was in our lives for nearly 20 years, since I was only 8 and became like a big brother to me, a son to my parents, and a valued and much loved family member. While he is not literally dead, he is gone in the sense that the person we knew, trusted and loved so dearly, transformed into a person who was and is unrecognizable. It was literally as if this person's spirit left this world and our lives, ceasing to be who we thought we knew so well, and then fully leaving us and everything he was and once embodied to become a completely new and different person. My sister and the rest of my family felt a huge sense of betrayal and loss. Because he no longer existed as the person we knew, it very much felt like he died. And for us, he did. One of the ways I suggested gaining some closure, saying goodbye to that person, was to have a memorial service. I know this may sound silly to some people, and everyone is entitled to their own opinions, but we needed a way to honor that person, the relationships we once had and valued so very much. I think the same goes for "Chris," and the loss of these very special friendships we held so dear.
Thank you Ekikaseven for having the courage, strength and wisdom to initiate this post and concept. We were all hurt, used, and betrayed by this person, and the loss is huge in many aspects. I wish I could say something profound enough to heal these deep wounds .. to make sense of the entire matter, but I'm not sure there are words, and only time, love and support will move to lighten this heavy emotional pain. I do believe that there are a number of gifts and lessons to be found within this experience, and perhaps that is "the reason" for this becoming a part of our lives.
Much love and many blessings to each and every one of you ... Cat
